Oh Christmas Shrub! Oh Christmas Shrub!

I would not want to be this guy!

Seriously… Christmas trees aren’t THAT expensive here that you have to steal one.  Perhaps he feels the same as I do, that the Dutch Christmas trees are not worth buying.  They are Charlie Brown Christmas Trees! They don’t even deserve to be called trees, they are Christmas Shrubs!  With their big fat bottoms, weird gangly branches spaced too far apart and the giant spike at the top.  I’ve never seen a better advertisement for fake trees in my life.

In fact, I feel so strongly about it, I’ve decided to write my own song.  *Cracks Knuckles*

To the tune of “Oh Christmas Tree”

Oh Christmas Shrub

Oh Christmas Shrub! Oh Christmas Shrub!
Your body weird and gangly.
Oh Christmas Shrub! Oh Christmas Shrub!
Your body weird and gangly.
You’re barely green when summer’s here,
You start to droop before New Year.
Oh Christmas Shrub! Oh Christmas Shrub!
Your body weird and gangly.

Oh Christmas Shrub! Oh Christmas Shrub!
Your branches sparse and flimsy.
Oh Christmas Shrub! Oh Christmas Shrub!
Your branches sparse and flimsy.
To lame to be labeled a tree,
A four foot shrub no one can see.
Oh Christmas Shrub! Oh Christmas Shrub!
Your branches sparse and flimsy.

Oh Christmas Shrub! Oh Christmas Shrub!
Your trunk crooked and sticky.
Oh Christmas Shrub! Oh Christmas Shrub!
Your trunk crooked and sticky.
No bells or garland can fix you,
You would make my whole Christmas blue.
Oh Christmas Shrub! Oh Christmas Shrub!
Your trunk crooked and sticky.

Oh Christmas Shrub! Oh Christmas Shrub!
Your needles loose and prickly.
Oh Christmas Shrub! Oh Christmas Shrub!
Your needles loose and prickly.
Your giant spike on top’s too long,
You don’t deserve this awesome song.
Oh Christmas Shrub! Oh Christmas Shrub!
Your needles loose and prickly.

*** Bows ***