Expat Life: Creating Your Own Traditions

Our other expat friends gathered together at our house for dinner on Christmas Day

The hardest part about life as an expat is missing your family and friends, I don’t think there is an expat out there who can argue that… and in the age of Twitter, Facebook, and instant messengers, it’s impossible to isolate yourself in your own little world and adopt a “What I don’t know won’t hurt me” attitude like you may have been able to in the past.  It is especially hard to enjoy the holidays when you are in a new place without them and you feel like everything is going on without you.  That’s why creating your own traditions is vital to getting through the holidays in your new home country.

I have been living in the Netherlands for 10 years now and I think this is one of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned during my time here.  In the first few years, the holidays were an incredibly difficult time for me, especially Christmas.   I loved Christmas in Canada, with the snow, my family and friends getting together to reminisce and laugh about old times, great food, Christmas carols, driving around to look at all the Christmas lights and waking up to open presents with my parents.  That’s what Christmas was to me…

Waiting patiently for the food while hubby hands out Christmas presents

When I came to the Netherlands I wasn’t really thinking about those things.  I was in love!! I was going to the Netherlands to be with the man of my dreams and that was all that mattered.  Come December though, it was like running full speed into a brick wall.  For the first few years I couldn’t cope at all.  I didn’t have a lot of friends or any real roots here in Holland.  I would sit trying to hold back the tears as my mother would fill me in on all that was going on back home.   I’d try not to be resentful towards my husband for ‘bringing’ me here (even though I brought myself here, didn’t I?), and my family for still continuing on all our old traditions without me, but I failed miserably.   I was not pleasant to be around during Christmas, I didn’t even like being around me myself.  I wallowed.

At some point, and I can’t remember when exactly, I had enough.  It was so draining for me to put myself through that year after year, and I knew that it wasn’t just ruining Christmas for me, but also for my husband and my family back home.   My husband felt helpless, he didn’t know what to do to make me feel better and my family back home were missing me just as much as I was missing them, but on top of that they had the weight of the knowledge that I was so desperately unhappy.   It wasn’t bad enough that I fell into a terrible rut every year during the holidays, but even without meaning to, I was dragging them down with me.   I know my husband had to bite his tongue many times and probably wished he was anywhere but here, with me, at Christmas.  I also know that my mother would downplay the fun they were having and try not to go into too much detail about people getting together, for fear of making me even more homesick than I already was.

My misery not only affected those immediately around me, but it spread across an ocean!

It was time for a change, and that is how the Crazy Christmas Lady came to be.  I decided (yes, it really is that easy) that I was not going to spend another holiday season being miserable and bah humbugging everything around me.  I was going to embrace Christmas in this new land of mine, and create my own traditions, because the traditions you create today are the happy memories of tomorrow, right? 

A photo a friend caught of me with his mobile, and I thought I dodged them all! 

When Christmas rolled around the next year, my mind was set.  I bought decorations for the house, I stocked up on Christmas cards and sent them out to everyone I knew (even people I didn’t know very well, I was on a roll!), I ordered a turkey and was hellbent on learning how to cook it myself and made an honest to goodness effort to let go of the homesickness.  Instead of feeling resentful towards my husband, I tried to show him that I do love him and want to create our own memories.  Rather than worrying about what was going on without me back home, I concentrated on what I was going to do to have fun here.  IT WORKED.  I had a great Christmas, and if I’m honest, I created a monster.  Christmas has quickly become my absolute favorite time of year and I refuse to let anything change that.   If money is tight, or we’ve maybe had a rough year, it’s fine… but Christmas will go on!

Since this sort of mental switch, I’ve been having a blast.  I’ve dragged my friends into my insanity, having them over for dinner on Christmas day while I try to iron out the wrinkles in my turkey dinner cooking adventures.  Each year I pick up a few more decorations for the house, which is starting to look like Christmas vomited all over it, but that’s ok, and I do whatever it takes to bring Christmas spirit into myself, my husband, my friends and our home.  Like Christmas Crafts and cross stitches, making my own quilted tree skirt, when my friend Penny and I went to the Cologne Christmas Market, or this year when my husband and I visited the Christmas Fair at Kasteel Keukenhof.  Who knows where I’ll end up next year, and that’s what I love about it.  It’s only January 2nd and I’m already looking forward to next Christmas.

New Traditions are not limited to Christmas alone. This year our friends started a new tradition of a pumpkin carving party ‘for the kids’.  I think the adults enjoyed it more than the kids did! 

So, even if you usually think I’m completely full of crap, take my advice on this.  I have done it both ways, I’ve let myself be miserable and I’ve put my foot down and decided to make the best of it, so I know what I’m talking about.   I know being in a new country can be difficult and none of us will ever stop missing our family and friends during the holidays, but it doesn’t have to be a time of homesickness and sadness.   The choice is there to create new traditions and have our own adventures!   If your family and friends are anything like mine, they won’t mind you missing them a little bit less, as long as they know you are happy!