New Years Wishes

I know I’m late to the party with the whole New Year ‘resolution’ thing, but I needed some time to think about it.  I don’t actually do resolutions, it’s really not my thing.  Mostly because I’m a big quitter and I never keep them.   There are some things I would really like to see happen during the new year though.

• I want to continue on with Weight Watchers, pushing past this frustrating first plateau.  I know a lot of people hate being on a diet, but WW doesn’t really feel like one.  It’s just the structure and portion control that I need in my life.  I still get to eat the things I like, I just have to eat them differently than I did before, and in smaller portions.
• Although I’m still at the point where I hate exercise I’m hoping that I’ll soon reach that point other people say they are at where they really LOVE it.  I know exercise is supposed to make those happy chemicals pump through you, but at the moment all it does for me is make me sweaty and cranky.  I’ve just committed myself to at least 6 months at my new gym though, which I do really like, so I’m crossing my fingers that it becomes fun eventually.
• Hopefully we’ll finally get this flat on the market this year.  We so want to move but the thought of it is daunting.  This is the first house we’ve ever owned and it makes moving more complicated than when you are renting, especially with the market being like it is at the moment.  We both feel we have outgrown this place though, so we need to get our acts together and set this ball in motion.
• Since I’ve been living here in Holland, I’ve never gone back to Canada on my own.  There are a few reasons for it like the tiny seats and my huge ass, my hatred for being squished up against strangers, and obviously… missing my husband.  Waiting for us to be able to afford a trip together causes major gaps between my visits home and I know the only way to resolve it is to bite the bullet and go alone.  At the moment the plan is for me to go home in October so I can be there for my mother’s 60th, that gives me almost 10 months to get over the strangers in my personal space thing, and shrink my ass as much as possible.
• Having been to Blijdorp Zoo here in Rotterdam a number of times and Apenheul back in 2007, I’d really like to visit some of the other popular zoos in the Netherlands.  Maybe even some in Germany and Belgium that are within a day trip distance.  It would give Xander and I something fun to get out to do together and give me an opportunity to take some more cute animal photos.
• A few years ago I decided to get a bike.  Everyone rides around on bicycles here and I was feeling like the odd man out.  It was a bit difficult to find one that was short enough but eventually we did.  I hadn’t been on a bike since I was about 12 so I was nervous and wobbly.  That, put together with the fact that I was so out of shape, wasn’t pretty.  My legs burned, my lungs hurt, I was sweating and all the people whizzing past me in cars and other bicycles kept making me almost fall over.  Oh, and my ass hurt from the seat. SO. BAD.  We even bought an extra special cushioned seat and it still hurt.  So for the past year or two the bike has been collecting dust in the basement, which is another issue…  getting the bike up the stairs out of the basement is a giant pain in the ass.  Anyhow, I’m determined to start using it again and as soon as the ice is melted I’m getting it out.  I may just go around the block or up and down my parking lot, maybe to the supermarket… but Rome wasn’t built in a day.  I’ll get there…
• I’ve always had an issue with worrying what people think.  I would like to be the don’t give a shit type and I work hard at it but it’s definitely a work in progress.  I’m improving but I’m not quite there yet.  I’d like to spend this year trying to worry more about my own world and what makes me and my husband happy, and less about what other people are doing and thinking.
• The Dutch language… *sigh*  I understand loads, but that mental block is still there in regards to speaking it around people I know.  If I’m on my own around random Dutchies I can talk the hind leg off a mule, but if someone I know is there?  –= mute =-  Maybe this falls in line with the worrying what people think thing, if I improve that maybe this will get better too.
• I want to be more sensible about friendships.  I know that sounds weird but having been on my own for so long, sometimes I feel a bit awkward socially and am not sure how I’m meant to behave.  I have some good friends, and I want to work harder on being present and being there for them.  I want them to know that I consider them good friends and that if I sometimes go into hermit mode that it’s a bit of residual laziness and issues on my part, not that I don’t like them or don’t want to be friends.  I also need to learn that not everyone are meant to be friends.  Having only one thing in common, like both being foreigners here in the Netherlands, is not enough to base a friendship on.  I wish it was, but it’s not.  I need to learn to let go rather than continuing to try to make friendships where there isn’t meant to be one.  Especially in cases where I feel like I am the only one bothering.  In my own country where there were more possibilities and easier options in regards to making friends, I’d never tolerate being the one to always make contact or keep in touch.  The fact that it’s more difficult to find and make friends here shouldn’t mean that I should put up with things I ordinarily wouldn’t.   I guess I basically want to spend this year concentrating on keeping the good friendships I have and learning to let go or not worry so much about the ones that aren’t.
• I absolutely positively MUST do more crafting this year.  Not just because I enjoy it but it also is really relaxing.  I feel good when I’m creating something and I don’t know why I keep putting things away and not going back to them for months.  I also have a few ideas of things I could make and sell, and it wouldn’t be bad for me to have an income… however small it may be.
• I’d like to learn to cook more and would like to try at least 1-2 new recipes a month.  That doesn’t seem like a lot but cooking new things does my head in.  I worry myself sick that it’s not going to work out.  I don’t particularly love cooking, so if I spend loads of time making something that turns out to be crap… well, that just pisses me off.  Maybe knowing how to cook more interesting things will make me enjoy it more, I don’t know. We’ll see!
• We have decided that every month just after pay day we are going to try a new restaurant.  Get out there, try new things, see some new places… you know, the overall theme of my New Years Wish.  We haven’t decided where we are going to go for January yet.
• Take more photos!! I always enjoy getting out with my camera and I want to do that more.  Sometimes I feel a lack of inspiration and don’t know what I want to take photos of.  Then I see photos other people take of random every day things and realize that inspiration can be anywhere, you just have to go out and let it find you.
• Another area I’ve been showing slooooow improvement is my housekeeping skills.  I have gotten better but I’m waiting for my mother’s genes to kick in and make me clean obsessively.  Then I will be happy.  I wish I could enjoy it or get the satisfaction out of it that she does, but I don’t.  I’m perfectly happy to put it off until tomorrow.
• Camping, there absolutely must be more camping!

Yeah, so I guess that’s it.  No resolutions, just things I’d like to continue to improve on in  my life.  A general theme of move more, do more, weigh less, complain less, and be a better person.  I’ll probably screw up royally from time to time but I’m trying and that’s what matters, I think.