30 Days of Truth: Day 2

Ok this one is more difficult and I have put off this post pretty much all day because I had no idea what to write. It would kind of suck to give up after only doing Day 1 though…

I think the only answer I could come up with was that I’m real.  Real in the way that I try to be just who I am without trying to make people think I am someone different, or better somehow.

Sure, like most people I’ll sometimes put on a happy face even if things are getting me down, or depending on who I am interacting with I will only let them get so close… but I try to be honest about who I am, how I feel and what my experiences are.  I chose this as something I love about myself because it’s something I also love in other people.

I’ve encountered people who, for whatever reason, feel the need to make themselves appear to be something they aren’t.  I’ve seen people who are struggling with life here in the Netherlands pretend as though it is a breeze, lie about their experiences and pretend to be an entirely different person to who they really are.  I’ve met mean spirited, passive aggressive people who paste a big smile on and make every effort to appear to be the kindest, sweetest creatures that ever lived.  I’ve also met people who are really kind, generous and lovely but feel the need to  give themselves an edge by acting rough around the edges and ‘tough’.  Perhaps this is some sort of defense mechanism, I don’t know.  I find it difficult to have a relationship with any of these kinds of people.

I love that no matter what happens or what life brings me, I try my absolute hardest to have some degree of self awareness, to be myself and be honest with people.

It’s hard to be open about things, especially when they are things you aren’t especially proud of.  It’s not easy to admit when you are struggling or are not able to cope with things, if you’ve made mistakes or are having trouble changing things that may really need to be changed.  I think it takes more strength to really look hard at yourself and try to be as self aware as possible, even if it means facing all your flaws head on, than it is to pretend to be someone you aren’t.

So that is what I love.  I love that even though there are things I don’t particularly love about myself, I can accept that they are a part of me and be open about it.