My War on Asia

Living in a flat in Rotterdam brings with it a lot of interesting interactions with neighbours.  We have been living in this flat for over ten years and while we do have some really awesome neighbours, we have also had some total jerkoffs, inconsiderate twats (who we totally busted) and royal pains in the ass.

There’s one neighbour that I’ve decided I’m going to declare war with.  I’m not quite sure how, but I’ve been trying to hatch a plan over the last two or three years and I’m sure I’ll come up with something good any minute now.

They are evil!

Ok, they may not be evil, I’m not really sure as I’ve never actually met them.  Here is what I know…

1. They have made me really angry.
2. They are Asian.
3. They like the sun.
4. … and cigarettes.
5. They have made me really REALLY angry.
6. They don’t like trees.

You see, I spend a lot of time on my balcony in spring and summer.  I quite like the view from there and have been known to snap a few photos from time to time.  Like this one…

I took this photo in 2005, and this is what I had to say at the time.

Every spring this tree seems to explode overnight, it’s so beautiful! Such a shame it lasts such a short time though

This was always my favorite part of spring.  Looking out behind my house to see this beautiful tree in bloom!  On nights like last night it would even appear to change color, looking more pink or red than usual.

I LOVED THIS TREE.  It made life pretty.

The people who owned that garden had it set up quite beautifully with a lot of plants and a nice seating area etc.  I love looking over their garden while I sat out on my balcony.  They moved though, and then ‘The Asians’ moved in.  I call them that because I don’t know anything else about them.

Except that they hate trees.

… and they love cigarettes.

Well, this is what stands there now…

Yeah, that’s it.  A stump that gets freshly chainsawed every year.  Can you believe it?!

I know it’s their garden and they can do what they want with it, but seriously?   They removed anything even remotely beautiful, filled the entire garden with tiles and put nothing out there.

Wait, that’s a lie… in the summer they put out a lawn chair and a big can to use as an ashtray, because that’s the only time they ever go out there is to smoke.  Oh, and to chainsaw the tree.

These people really give new meaning to PAVED PARADISE AND PUT UP A PARKING LOT.  Fuckers.

So that’s what I see now when I sit on my balcony in the spring… a stump… and for that I hate them and am declaring war on Asia.

Not the real Asia, cuz I’d lose… just the little Asia that lives behind my house.

I’ve considered collecting dog poo and throwing it over the fence, because there’s no lack of it around here, but what if someone saw me?  This place is full of lookie-loos.  I need something more discreet and stealthy. Something that will make them regret the day they ever bought a chainsaw.

I will come up with a brilliant plan one day, then they will feel my wrath, and boy will they be sorry!!

Until then I will continue to give them the stink eye from the balcony.