Have I Been Living in The Netherlands Too Long?

A friend shared this article on Facebook earlier and the list made me laugh a bit because a fair few of them really do apply to me!  Some not, but many… oh hell yes.

I’m sorry, I just had to stop at number 81 and come back up here to say that this is quite possibly the most ridiculous NL list I’ve ever seen, but since I actually GOT to 81 I am too stubborn to stop, and therefore, I insist on still sharing it with the rest of you.  I should have read the entire thing before running to my blog to post it but I didn’t, I read the first few and was all “YAY this is great!”.

Not great, not great at all.

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1/ You have a bike – I do!! I haven’t been riding it much lately though. :/

2/ You even know how to brake using retropedaling – My bike has brakes on the handlebars. So, no.

3/ Walking from your faculty to the cafeteria has become unimaginable. You take your bike, even if it’s for 50meters – This one would have to be a no too.

4/ Eating 7 slides of bread for lunch doesn’t scare you anymore – Eating even two slices scares me, but that’s my low carb diet.  I can’t deny that the Dutch are a VERY HIGH carb country!  It’s all about the boterham!

5/ By the way, you stopped eating warm lunch. You just eat bread – I do eat warm lunches but it’s not the norm here.

6/ You know what a kroket is, and you learned to avoid the orange ones – Yep, but I avoid them ALL.

7/ It doesn’t surprise you anymore to eat at 18:30 – This one is very true! If we haven’t eaten by 7pm we are starving.

8/ You drink beer – No country will ever make me do that. Yuck.

9/ You got used to trance and electro music – Even though my husband loves it, I still hate it.

10/ You don’t cheat on the train, because controllers are EVERYWHERE – Absolutely, it’s not worth the risk!

11/ When the cafeteria is crowed, you line up neately with the others – It’s just the right thing to do!

12/ You used to use cash all the time, but now you have a pin card – I am always the one at a dinner with friends who smacks my forehead and says “I forgot to get money out, I’ll have to pin!”

13/ You think ducks are cute – I always did.

14/ As soon as the sun pops out, you make a barbecue, even if it’s 10°C outside – If we had a garden, I totally would.

15/ You think 15°C is warm – I’m Canadian, 15 degrees is warm!

16/ You know winter stops in May, and not March as everywhere else – Oh this is rubbish, April is beautiful in the Netherlands!

17/ You don’t remember what a moutain looks like – I remember, I also remember there’s an N in it. MouNtain.

18/ You still don’t know how to speak Dutch. But your English has improved – I speak… Dunglish.

19/ You know what Surinam is. And where it is – Yeah I know where it is, because I just Googled it.

20/ You never go out without your bike lights – I don’t take my bike lights usually, that would require actually taking my bike too!

21/ You think butter in a bottle is normal — Wtf? Are we talking about the same country?

22/ You know that all the guys are in Delft. And the girls, everywhere else, especially Leiden – I’ve been married pretty much since I got here, I dunno where the guys are.

23/ You go to Leiden on Saturday – No, I don’t. Should I? What is in Leiden on a Saturday?  Is there something I should know?

24/ You’ve been to a flower park, and thought it was cool – I admit it, I’ve been to Keukenhof once. Ok twice. FINE THREE TIMES!

25/ You’re ok with having only one flavour of ice cream (the white ones) – I most certainly am not!

26/ You don’t even bother to ask “do you speak English?”, you just speak English right away – Isn’t this something you do more when you first get here, rather than when you’ve been here too long?  This isn’t true…

27/ When you go to the cinema, you are ok with being told where to sit – I kind of prefer it, to be honest.

28/ And you wouldn’t dare sit anywhere else – Not after seeing people being told to move that time, I wouldn’t.

29/ You have finally accepted the fact that Gouda is cheese – I don’t get it… when was it not cheese?

30/ Paying 6€ for a meal in the cafeteria seems normal – I don’t eat in a cafeteria but if I did I don’t think I’d kick up a stink…

31/ You know how to repair a bike – Yes, by saying “Honey, can you fix my bike?!”

32/ You eat potatoes at least once a day – No, but I think a lot of the Dutch do!

33/ You always check the weather before leaving home – Yes, and usually regret it because it’s rarely ever right anyway and changes every five minutes.

34/ You know what it is being late and having to wait for a boat to cross the bridge – I live in Rotterdam Zuid so yeah, had my share of moments waiting for the Erasmusbrug to close!

35/ You can drink milk at any time of the day – Can’t everyone?

36/ Sometimes, you only drink milk as lunch – What weirdo wrote this?  I’ve never seen anyone have only milk as lunch.

37/ You have tried karnemelk at least once – No, I still haven’t. I keep meaning to but never get around to it.

38/ You start liking dropjes – Blech, I tried loads but still am not a fan.

39/ For you something sweet means straubwaffels – I have never tried a straubwaffel but Stroopwafels are great!

40/ Spring means flowers blooming and construction sites opening up all over the place – Yes, and home renovations, so our flat is always noisy.

41/ Being tall gets a new meaning – Yes, it’s called being a giant.

42/ Blonde is back to being a hair-color, not a concept – Yeah, it’s sort of the norm here.

43/ you have 4 seasons in one day – On a GOOD day!

44/ you can start a mail to your teacher who happens to be a doctor by “yo, wassup doc” (exaggeration can get the message through) — Huh? This doesn’t make any sense…

45/ You think that paying to use the toilets is normal. – It is normal here, it also ensures a CLEAN toilet, so I can live with it. I know the fact that I said that proves this one.

46/ You know that kapsalon is not a typical turkish dish, but a hairdresser – Okaaay…

47/ You start to think that the strange position of the hole in the WC is not that disgusting – I’ll never stop being disgusted and annoyed with the shape of the toilet bowls here.  I would always rather that than some of the toilets (ie… holes in the floor) I’ve been forced to use in France though!

48/ You find it easier to find a good joint that a good coffee – I don’t look for joints or coffee.

49/ You have the AH bonus card – Doesn’t everyone?

50/ Your windows have no curtains, and you don’t care – They do, and I do.

51/ If your windows have curtains, you don’t use them, and just don’t care who might be looking at you – I have them and I care.

52/ For you, light rain is not rain – Rain is rain…

53/ Professors write a “well done” comment in your assignment and still grade you with a 6 – This is starting to make more sense to me, I’m starting to think it was written by some college dude. Explains knowing where all the girls are at.

54/ You can drink beer in the cinema (good) — I suppose I could if I wanted to, which I don’t.  Yep, definitely a college dude.

55/ 10°C is warm enough to wear a short or mini skirt – Nobody wants to see me in a mini skirt.

56/ You can ride your bike in the rain, wind and even snow — I don’t ride it in the sun, I’m not riding it in any of that shit.

57/ guys are very cute – A gay college dude?

58/ you can ride your bike wearing skirt (if you’re a girl), a suit or even high heels (if you’re a girl) – Enough with the bikes already!

59/ When you start having strong opinion even if you vaguely know the topic — I suppose so..

60/ When you “wash” the dishes with soap without rincing them – I don’t know how to rince dishes.  I rinse them though… with water.

61/ “alstublieft and dank u wel” are the only dutch words you know – Again, how is this something that says ‘in the country too long”???

62/ You aren’t surprised anymore that the disco closes at 4 (but it still pisses you off) – I WAKE UP at 4…

63/ You learn to bike without using your hands on the handle – Again with the bikes.

64/ You go to the market and you only buy the stuffs that fit in you bike – *sigh*

65/ Riding a bike and driking coffee/smoking/eating lunch at the same time is not a problem any more – We get it, BIKES. If you like bikes, you’ve been here too long BIIIIIIKES.

66/ You reformulate the saying “if you drink, don’t drive” by “if you drink, don’t ride” – I have never said that but I guess I would in the right circumstance.

67/ You’ve been asked where the coffeeshop is – I may have at some point, I don’t remember.

68/ You start wearing orange during soccer events, even when you’re not dutch – Guilty!

69/ You get used not to use napkins when eating. You just eat dirtily. – Is this English? Wtf…

70/ You know what GVD stands for – I do.

71/ You can never predict the weather and can not believe the weather forecast anymore – We already addressed this one didn’t we?  Someone ran out of ideas at 45 I think!

72/ You wait for the light to go green before crossing the street, even if there is no car – It’s the rules!

73/ You sometimes eat only with a spoon – Dutch people are more weird than I thought. I never heard of this.

74/ You tried fried fish from the caravans at least once – No, and I never will.

75/ You clap the lecturer (just because he’s been speaking for 2 hours) – Yes, at photo club meetings. If someone does a presentation isn’t clapping polite?

76/ You run to Albert Heijn at 21.55 to get some beer for the party that night – Oh yes, all the time. *sigh* COLLEGE DUDE. This is a “You know you are 19 in the Netherlands” list, not you know you’ve been here too long list.

77/ Trees planted in straight rows/ aka the forest/ seems normal – Huh?

78/ You think you understand why they don’t serve coffee at coffeeshops (but you’re not sure yet) – Again, a newbie mistake, no? Not that you’ve been here too long.

79/ You steal a bike at the station because the night before someone stole yours – Whaaaaaaa?

80/ You think it is okay to eat multicoloured sprinkels on bread for breakfast – No, I don’t.

81/ You use 9292ov.nl to go to the supermarket – Yes, because that’s something people do when they’ve been here too long?

82/ You know that the wind blows in your face regardless of the direction in which you are biking – No, only when I bike into the wind.

83/ You don’t even try to park in an unauthorised area just to ‘pick something up in 5min’, because you know you will get a ticket in 30secondes – I don’t drive, but this spelling is starting to drive me mental. UNAUTHORIZED!! SECONDS!! Spell check much?!

84/ When you move out of your apartment, you know you might have to take the floors with you – This one still boggles my mind.

85/ Stepping in doggiepoo on the sideawalk becomes almost a daily thing – Don’t even get me started!

86/ You end up eating super greasy food at 5am at FEBO or ALEV (Delft) — No I can’t say I’ve ever done anything at 5am in Delft, I live in Rotterdam.

87/ And after that, you manage to bike home still completely wasted and go to class at 8:45 – Oh FFS did someone get this list from a TU Delft forum or something?

88/ You need an appointement to talk with your friends. Or your mother. – I make appointments (NO E) yes, but I’m starting to like it that way.

89/ You enjoy making tourists jump off the bike path – Umm, no, not usually.

90/ You paid more for the lock of your bike than for the bike itselft – Doesn’t everyone?

91/ Real bread? You’ve made your peace with it. It doesn’t exist – What is the bread we eat made of? Lego?  Clearly this person has never experienced Wonderbread.

92/ You know that the Netherlands doesn’t have a special dish. They just fry everything – Hello, Stamppot??

93/ You know getting a couch will be difficult because it doesn’t fit through the door. Windows maybe? – This happens in every country.

94/ You’re ok spending Queen’s Day in the train because people are walking on the rails – No, I’d never be ok with that.

95/ Yap, Joost and Jeroen are the names of most of the Dutch guys you know – How does this say I’ve been in NL too long?

96/ when the sun pops up all your Dutch friends are wearing beach flip flops – Uh, I guess..

97/ Dutch people ask you why don’t you speak Dutch? – They do that no matter how long you’ve been here.

98/ You still don’t speak Dutch but watch silly Dutch TV shows like Take me out and Single – Yes, I’ve done that from time to time.

99/ You have been in a relationship with at least one Dutch person – I’ve been in a relationship with a Dutch person since the day I got here. Again, nothing to do with how long I’m here.

100/ You are used to people bumping into you abruptly on the street, yet never saying sorry – Nope, still not used to it.

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What a stupid, STUPID list this is… I almost feel ashamed for even posting it but I am because I spent the time writing those answers.  I’d love to know who wrote this list, I get the feeling it was that drunk college dude from Delft who just biked home at 5am after seeing all those girls in Leiden.

Mother of GOD, I have seen some silly shit in my day but this is bad.  Actually I take it back, this couldn’t be a college guy. There’s no way they’d let the person who wrote this into college… no way.