Stick a Fork in Me

You know that saying ‘Stick a fork in me, because I’m done’?  Yeah, that was me yesterday afternoon.

We went to a BBQ at a friend’s place in Beneden Leeuwen, which is about an hours drive from here.  It was a gathering of an expat group that I belong to online.  The same one that we met up with the year before last for Thanksgiving.    It was really nice to see some of them again, and to meet people that I’ve been talking to on the list but had never met.  We did a book exchange there too which was pretty cool.

… but DAYUM, it was HOT outside, like hotter than a witches armpit kind of hot!!!! omfg.

All summer it’s been cool and rainy, and yes, it is my own fault for wishing for nice weather for the BBQ but mother nature didn’t need to be such a bitch about it.

Let me try to set the scene…

If you are reading this from back home or pretty much anywhere other than Holland or other similar places in Europe, you have to try to imagine what a Dutch garden is like.  Think of your buddy’s back yard where you usually go for BBQ’s, now remove all of the actual yard and keep just the patio (assuming he has a small-ish patio).  That’s about the size of a Dutch back yard.  Now imagine about 25 people all on it at once, with the BBQ’s, tables, chairs and dogs.

NOW, imagine the sun beating down on you without a breath of wind.

That is how I spent the afternoon.  Granted, there was some good conversation and all that but it’s hard to talk when inside my brain was screaming for relief.  Not from the people I was talking to, but from the heat.

You probably find it strange that I have no photos, but that’s because I was so hot I couldn’t even think, let alone peel myself out of my chair to take photos.  I hardly even ate!  That ought to tell you something.  Me + BBQ usually means a bellyache and a serious case of the trots… but not this time.

I think I’ve found my new diet plan.   I need to either move into a sauna or crank the heat to an extremely uncomfortable level in my house.  Then I will be too uncomfortable to eat.

Don’t get me wrong, the company was great and I love the people who threw the BBQ but christ almighty, from now on I’m setting limits on my Dutch BBQ’s.   If they are in back gardens they must have a maximum of like 10 people, OR they must be somewhere with water I can jump into… like a beach.

Actually, I did attempt to eat, now that I think about it.  They had this sort of free-for-all policy with the bbq, you grab your own meat and put it on the thing (it wasn’t a bbq really, it was more like an electric grill or something).  I went in and grabbed a few of the kabobs I had made and threw them on the thing, then realized how damn hot it was standing over it and went to sit down.   Xander had some as well and was going back and forth turning them.   At one point someone passed me one and said ‘this is done’, and I almost vomited in my lap when I bit into blubbery half raw chicken.   So I threw it back on the grill.

Apparently we should have stood sweating over the grill because SOMEONE STOLE OUR KABOBS, and Xander’s big fat sausage!  OMGWTFGETYOURHANDSOFFMYMEAT!  Hello!! Cook your own meat! If you didn’t put it there you don’t get to eat it!!

I was so pissed off but once again I couldn’t be arsed to get up to get more.   I just thought oh screw it I’ll eat when I get home, then I secretly wished the chicken was still blubbery for them, since they were eating stolen meat and all.

On the plus side, Pixel was a huge success at the party.   We had to take her with us because we didn’t want to leave her alone that long.   There was many an oooh and aaah and a ton of OMG She’s SO Cute!’s.   I was a proud mama for sure.

Even Pixel was dying though, poor little thing in her black fur, we had to keep pouring glasses of water on her because she was dying with the heat as well.

When we got home we both peeled off our sweaty clothes and sat around being grumpy for a while.   We had that really tired feeling like when you get home from a day at the beach, only without the beach.

I’m almost starting to forget what beaches look like.  I’m getting the feeling that we aren’t going to see one anytime soon if the summers keep being like this year and last year. Rain Rain Rain!