Canadutch
Bones is one of my favorite shows, and in the latest episode Dr. Brennan gets a bit of baby fever. Watching her try to be maternal and relate to babies is hilarious. Even more hilarious than than when she tries to relate to adult humans.
The whole baby fever thing is something I can totally understand, as my husband and I tried for years to start a family and gave up a while back. From time to time when I see my friends with their children, I feel like we are really missing out on something and start to question our decision not to continue trying. Other times, when I am out doing things that my mommy-friends don’t have the freedom to do, I feel the exact opposite. Almost glad that it never happened, because I enjoy being able to come and go as I please.
It’s confusing. I sort of feel like time is running out and I need to make a decision, especially with my 34th birthday tomorrow. Each year goes by faster than the one before it. I know some of my friends think I’m anti-baby or that my general dislike of crowds of children would make me a bad mom, and maybe they are right, I don’t know. I have even been told to never have children by a friend, which didn’t feel so great.
I think, and hope, that maybe I’d feel differently once I had one of my own. Just because I don’t enjoy being around groups of other people’s children doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have or don’t deserve a child of my own, does it?
Perhaps one day we’ll try again, who knows. What I do know is that Dancing Phalanges is now totally going to be a part of my baby repertoire!
Paula – Pretty sure I am just as zitty as you at the moment. PMS is in full swing. Ugh. As for the horomone stuff, I always had an odd feeling that it was something hormonal too. When I started losing my hair, my gyno said she thought it was Androgenic Alopecia and sent me to a dermatologist. He said, yup losing your hair, can’t help you. Yet another dead end. They did check my blood and hormones a lot when I was having all the tests done. What they checked in particular I don’t know. That’s what frustrates me most, they never really share exactly what they are doing. When I visit the doctors in Den Haag I’m going to hopefully have more info on that. It can’t be a coincidence that I have all these symptoms PLUS brutal periods / infertility. It HAS to be something hormonal, or at least you’d think.
kapgar – It’s daunting, isn’t it? One minute you feel like you have all the time in the world and babies are not even on your radar, then it’s like OH SHIT! We gotta start giving this some serious thought and figure out what the heck we are doing!
Sonya – It’s funny you mentioned WW, because my mother has recently started with them as well. She says the exact same things, eat what you want and still lose weight. I get a bit overwhelmed when I have to track things though. It’ll confuse the crap out of me, especially trying to figure out what some of the foods over here are worth! I mean, how many points is a serving of a Knorr Box Kip Tandoori or something? I guess I’d have to join properly and get the lists from the Dutch WW, but it’s expensive.
Amber – Amber, I don’t even want to think of the lectures and comments I’d get if I did manage to get pregnant. I’m sure the first things they’d do, before even congratulating me, would be to tell me all of the things that are wrong or that I’m at risk for.
I know what you mean about other peoples’ kids. Including my brother’s herd!
I didn’t think I could have children as I had a miscarriage in my first marriage and when we did try, it just wouldn’t happen. I got the “lose weight” thing too.
Even now, being pregnant, when I visit the doctor, all I hear about is “you lost this week” or “you gained – BAD”. I realize weight won’t come off overnight, but the doctor sure seems to think it will.
I don’t think nature intended for only skinny women to have babies.
It’s seriously different when and if you have your own. I couldn’t stand my friends’ kids because they were everything I couldn’t stand about children;loud,screaming,never listening..lol When I had my own I made sure to raise them differently and to this day I get compliments on how well behaved and polite they are.
I have a hard time with certain types of children but it also goes along with certain types of parenting aswell.
Don’t give up hope..34 is still young!
Speaking of weight loss..if it’s something you need to do in order to get pregnant and you feel that strongly about it,I have big success with Weight Watchers. I eat everything I want and still lose an average of 3-4 pounds a week. The only excerise I do is walking. Well let me correct that..I HAD that success and will again when I start up again on monday!!!
Sonyas last blog post… Homemade Tortillas
You’re not the only one with baby fever. My wife and I have been discussing it for some time. She’s a bit freaked out about it since she’s wrapping up grad school and would be starting a new job. But we kinda gotta do it soon. We have none and I’m 34 and she’s 32. I don’t know. Sometimes I think it may never happen.
Awww thanks for the lovely compliments but if you saw my face right now your opinion might differ a little, I am currently sporting 5 whopping pre-menstrual zits on my chin. The term ‘pizza face’ is currently very appropriate.
I am an expert at grey hair camouflage and I will never be seen without my mascara, or my eyes disappear into my head hahaha.
OMG of course you should have hope. You potentially have another 10 years to have a baby. Do look into the oestrogen dominance thing I mentioned yesterday if you haven’t already. I think a vast majority of femail problems stem from hormonal imbalance. We are incredibly complex hormonally. Men have it easy in that respect (unless of course they are at the wrong end of one of our bad days,ha). There are also ways of regaining the balance without using synthetic hormones often prescribed by doctors.
Well enough of my ramblings. But if you need any help with anything at all I am always here for you:)
Nicola – For me, baby fever really hit when I was about 28, before that I would have been happy if it happened but wasn’t obsessed with it.
Paule – See, now that gives me hope. You are a great mom and if you were not into kids before and manage, I am sure I could too. You can’t compare you and I age wise though, I mean we all know you are not even human. No female of our species is as fit or looks as good at your age as you do. So I figure you’re some alien sent to earth on a mission to make the rest of us all look bad :P
The main reason I feel pressed for time is that we’ve already tried and failed miserably for years. I don’t know how long it would take, especially if they still want me to lose a lot of weight first. So I have to look at it in terms of it possibly not happening for years after we actually make the decision. So while 34 isn’t too old, if you look at it in the way that it could take 3-4-5 years to happen, it doesn’t leave me a lot of time to think. At least that’s how it feels anyway.
BTW 34 is YOUNG! How old was I when I had Faela?
Tammy I was always the girl who would never have or ever wanted kids. I disliked kids to the point where I wouldn’t go into a restaurant if there were kids eating there. I have always tolerated friends and family’s kids. I have never been able to relate to them. I was always the most unmaternal of all my friends. I’m still very much like that now but I don’t think that makes me a bad mother. I have learned to adapt and be a little more flexible, haha.
Happy Birthday for tomorrow!! 34 is not even that old these days, my Aunt had her first around then and 2nd at 40, and my newest cousin was born to my uncles 40-something partner! You’ve got plenty of time to decide and then try if that’s what you want (of course I can say that easily, but I’ve felt like the clock is ticking since I realised a couple of years ago that ‘omg I’m 24’ lol). I only like kids I know, like my baby cousin and my BFFs three kids, aside from that most kids annoy the hell out of me too. I’ve always just assumed I will have kids one day, but even then some days I feel just like you and Marie-Claude – why would I ever want to disrupt my life when there are so many things I couldn’t do with a baby?
Nicolas last blog post… Remember the good days.
There is no bigger hell for me, and my children, than a room full of screaming children. My kids don’t even like that! I can’t stand chronically snot-covered, whiny, screaming, ill-behaved kids. Oh Lordy. I want to take a rag to their face and my hand to their behind. LOL Everyone has their off days, no kid acts perfectly all the time, but some of them… Let’s just say I’m not always thrilled to be a helper mom in Delphine’s class.
I have a friend who seems to only want to talk about ultimate fighting. It is dead boring to me, but I let him drone on awhile before gently changing the subject. Whether the topic is children or ultimate fighting, too much isn’t amusing anymore. I’m still not rolling my eyes though…
Marie-Claude – Oh yes, the lose weight thing DOES sound familiar. I had a lot of tests done when we were TTC and it ended up that they said I could probably only get pregnant with insemination or IVF. Then they told me unless I lose weight, they won’t do it, even though I’m fully insured for it. Lose xx pounds and we’ll think about it. That was my breaking point.
I think my biggest worry is that while I’m OK with it now, I may not be ok with it when I’m 42, or 51 and by then it will be too late. I think the chance of regret later is my biggest fear when it comes to children.
Danielle – That’s a relief, tbh. It’s not that I don’t like kids, it’s that I don’t like whiney, sniffly, screaming, misbehaving kids. Especially in groups. I know a certain amount of that just ‘comes with kids’, but I don’t have one. If I had a kid who was running around screaming, I’d probably be HAPPY that the rest were too. Then mine wouldn’t be out of place. As a childless woman though, there is no bigger hell than a room full of 2-5 year olds.
I get the feeling from some people though that if you don’t enjoy children, and all of them in all situations, that you just shouldn’t have kids. It actually had me doubting my ability to be a mother at all, let alone a good one.
I don’t mind when friends talk about their children. I love my friends and I am truly interested in what is going on in their lives. Plus, I can relate a bit as I often will blab on about my pets hehe. I’m happy to listen and take part, as long as that’s not ALL they talk about.
Hey, I don’t like most other people’s kids, and I have two of my own! LOL I don’t think anyone is ever 100% prepared and there is never a perfect time to have a baby. Some people want kids, some don’t, and both ways are fine! As long as there is respect for each others choices – ie. the eye-rolling when people talk about their kids wouldn’t be very nice. I don’t roll my eyes when other people without kids wax lyrical about their latest whatever.
I feel exactly the same. I don’t like to surround myself with children, I don’t ‘awwwwwww’ when I see a baby and I try to hide my rolling eyes whenever I hear friends or colleagues go on and on about their children…
It’s partly because we can’t get children of our own without medical help – but I am refused medical help because I need to lose weight first (doesn’t that sound familiar to you? ;-)), even though I am fully functional (my husband is the ‘problem’).
And partly because, well, even though I’d love to have children of my own, I sometimes enjoy being childless. I like being able the live my life the way I want, spend my money on other things than diapers, and go on vacation whenever I please.
I, too, feel that I’m probably missing on something, I’m mostly dreading not having anybody around me when I’m grey and old, no grandchildren to spoil, no visitors on Sundays… It doesn’t help that I don’t have any brothers or sisters and that my Dutchie’s family is reduced to a small nucleus because of family feuds.
It takes time to ‘be okay’ with the idea of remaining childless… I wish you all the best, whatever your destiny.