My Ten Secret Thoughts

Over the past few weeks there has been a meme going around all the blogs about ten things you think but would never tell people.  These are mine:

1. I wish you never left. It’s not the same without you here and missing you really sucks.
2. Every time I start to think you have finally grown out of it, you do something so bitchy and underhanded that I’m immediately on guard again.  You can be so likable but you keep ruining it for yourself.
3. Steroids? Seriously…?  Like you can risk your penis getting any smaller than it already was.
4. I wish you could get over yourself long enough to see how much you are missing out on and how much hurt you have caused.
5. I would still love you and see you the same if you hadn’t told me your secrets, but now I resent you a little bit too.  I didn’t really need to know those things.
6. I hate that you are able to have children and I am not, because you are the worst mother I have ever known.
7. Everyone else thinks you are so great and so funny, but I don’t get it at all. I think you are a total douche and just looking at you gives me the creeps. 
8. I wish you would stand up for yourself and not let people walk all over you so much.  It hurts me to watch you be treated that way. 
9. When I was a kid I stole your really cool big sea shell when my parents made me go play with you, and then years later used it as an ashtray when I smoked in the bathtub.  I feel extra bad about it looking back because you were a little slow and that makes it worse.
10. Even almost 20 years later look for you on Facebook and Google to see if I can find you.  I’m curious about where you ended up in life and hope it’s more than what everyone always predicted for you.

…and no, I won’t tell you who they are about and if you think it’s you it’s probably not.

Except the steroids one.  If you are reading this and you think it’s about you – IT IS.