Stranger Danger!

A while back I wrote about being walk stalked by some African dude while I was out with the dog.  This was in 2006, but it has happened a number of times since then.  Tonight’s episode was especially nerve wracking for me though, because it was night, and I’m not usually out alone at night.  Xander is off at a big Lego conference this weekend and he usually does the night time dog walk, but tonight I was on my own.

Anyhow, here’s how it went down.

It was warm today and I spent the bulk of the day in my sewing room working on my sampler quilt, which I finally got out again and am determined to finish this time.  The window in there doesn’t open and the little vent at the top is useless, so it’s warm.  I know, don’t even ask why the window doesn’t open, the morons at the rental company that owned it before us did it, and I hate them.

So, I was wearing shorts (like above the knee show my chubby thighs type of shorts) and a sleeveless shirt, which ordinarily I’d never be seen in public wearing, but it was hot and I didn’t care.  When it came time to walk the dogs I considered changing, but thought what the hell, it’s dark so I’m not going to scare anyone.  I felt fat, flobby, white, gross and bravely made my way outdoors anyway.

At the end of my walk, as I was rounding the corner back to our flat I noticed a guy driving buy in a dark car, ducking down to look at me through his passenger side window.  “Oh fuck oh fuck, PIXEL HURRY UP, GO PEE GO PEE, WE GOTTA GO!!” .    The bravery was gone, replaced by utter and complete humiliation.  I was so white and huge standing there in the night that this guy actually went out of his way to slow down and look to see what it was.  No, it isn’t the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, it’s just a big white Canadian, now MOVE ALONG.

He didn’t though.  Instead, he went to the end of my street, did a U-Turn and came back around, stopping his car next to me.  When he rolled down his window I saw a sort of Vin Diesel type guy looking out at me.  No, seriously, I’m not making this shit up, he really did look like that.  Clearly, he had to be either about to throw out an insult, or ask for directions… so when he just said hello, I just stood there stunned like an idiot.   He said hello again, and I said hello back.

At this point I probably should have started screaming STRANGER DANGER while running home, but I was too confused.  He kept talking to me and while I sort of understood his Dutch, he had some other underlying accent which made him hard to understand.   He was also staring at me so hard I felt like he was trying to bore holes through me, that freaked me out.

I finally came to and said “Sorry, I don’t understand you” in English.  This sometimes does the trick, I guess they weigh their options and figure I’m not worth the effort of trying to work it in English, but this dude was persistent.  He turned his car off and got out.  THAT freaked me out MORE.

At this point I realized that if anyone ever wanted to find me at night and kill me, I’d be an easy mark, because I just kept walking along with him walking next to me, rather than saying something like… oh I dunno, GO AWAY YOU SCARE ME!  I did have the fact that I was walking with two vicious guard dogs on my side though, or not, since they both just ran up to lick his hands as he came towards me.  Useless.

He asked me if I lived in the neighbourhood, I said yes but didn’t specify where, he asked me my name and I told him, he told me his and I forget now but it started with H, maybe Hamish? I dunno.   I think he then got the hint that I was uncomfortable, or not interested, because he stopped and asked me if I have a man.  Just like that “Do you have a man?”

“Yes, Yup, Yup I do, Yes!” Perhaps a bit too eager, but it got my point across because he then just smiled and sort of bowed his head and said “Ok I’m sorry” and said goodbye and left.

At which point I ran as fast as my porky little legs would carry me back to the house.