Canadutch
Oh god, I’m filing this under tantrums & rants because I don’t have a “Pool of Tears” category (although, I should). What a weekend this has been so far. So happy one minute, so panicky the next, and often ready to burst into tears. Not because I’m sad, because I’ve actually been quite happy lately, but because my body seems to hate me and I don’t understand. When will it end? When will my body stop doing these things to me?
I think if I didn’t control my own brain, my fingers would point at myself and I would laugh outrageously loud… because the joke seems to be on me. I’m getting old… not just old but FUCKING old physically. What in the hell is going on?
Ok, I’ve rambled enough and I’m sure you are wondering what on earth has happened.
Yesterday I made an appointment to go get my hair done. I was sick and tired of having my natural color, because it’s mousy and bland (and because some of them were GREY! Argh!)… I was going to go do something wild with it again, including cutting it finally. I did both of these things (YAY!) but there was one moment while I was there that made me want to crawl under a rock and die. That moment just after the stylist finished cutting my hair and held the mirror up behind me to show me the back.
I…. wanted…. to …. die!!
You see, for months.. no wait, YEARS… I’ve been convinced that I was losing more hair than normal. Every time I’d come out of the shower I’d say something to Xander and start pulling my hair around and making him look at my head. He’d just tell me I was imagining things and it only seemed that way because my hair was so long and I noticed it more. Seemed to make sense, but I still couldn’t shake that feeling. Whenever I’d pull my hair back in a ponytail I’d notice that it would part in different places and you could see my scalp. It wasn’t bald but I couldn’t remember having that problem before.
Being the complete bonehead that I am, I failed to mention it anytime I visited the doctor. I guess because I was usually there for other reasons and didn’t want to seem like a raging hypochondriac.
Right, back to last night. When she held up the mirror my hair was wet and just after being cut. I looked at the crown of my head and almost screamed… It looked so thin, like a balding man! In a panic I asked Xander and my hairdresser if they saw it. Was I still imagining it?! Is it NORMAL for your scalp to show through like that?!! They both agreed that it did seem to be thinning quite badly (In my head I was screaming at Xander for not seeing it one of the other 1000 times I tried to show him). My stylist suggested that I should go see my doctor.
I know what it is though…. and it sucks.
When I first started seeing the fertility specialists and had my first echo done, they said I had “Polycystic-like ovaries”. That my ovaries were producing loads of small little cells but no nice juicy eggs, but they didn’t think I had PCOS because I didn’t show any of the other symptoms like irregular periods, excessive body hair and so on.
The last few times I was at the specialists having tests, they brought up PCOS a few more times because that’s what it looked like when they looked at my ovaries. One of the times I came home and looked it up, I saw that one of the symptoms of this is hair loss or thinning hair in women. *sighs deeply* I think this is what is going on. I was told to try to lose weight because my hormones are out of wack because of it, and I think these same issues are what is causing my hair to thin.
Some symptoms of PCOS are:
* Irregular or absent menses (I think so – Short cycle anywhere from 21 – 25 days in length)
* Numerous cysts on the ovaries in many, but not all, cases (YES!!)
* High blood pressure (No)
* Acne (Not sure, I break out on my chin but I don’t look “zitty”)
* Elevated insulin levels, Insulin Resistance, or Diabetes (Dunno, don’t think so)
* Infertility (YES!!)
* Excess hair on the face and body (No)
* Thinning of the scalp hair (alopecia) (YES!!!)
* Weight Problems or obesity that is centered around your mid section (YES!!!)
So am I crazy? The doctors keep throwing around this “PCOS” talk but never flat out say “You have it.” It’s so confusing, scary and humiliating all at the same time! Thankfully when my hair is dry you can’t tell really… you’d have to actually come up to me and start moving my hair around and looking closely to notice. Then I’d think you’re weird and not care what you think anyway… but how long until it is noticable? It never used to look as bad as it did last night in that mirror so it’s clearly getting worse. I’m freaking out!
I’m a woman, our hair is part of who we are, ya know? Sure, men get their hair starting to go thin and they just shave it all off. If I did that, between the fat, bald head, piercings and tattoos… people would assume I was a raging lesbian or some biker chick! Oh god..
I’m scared to read all I just wrote because it’s all been coming into my brain and straight out my fingertips (touch typing ftw!). So please please forgive me if my thoughts don’t come out clearly. I just need to let this all out somewhere.
Ok, so time to visit the doctor again because we’ve realized I’m going bald… what’s next?
Today I went to the mall with Xander and while we were there he decided to have his eyes checked because his right eye has been bothering him. He needs new glasses, no big deal. He gets new glasses every 2 years or so, it’s no big shock.
Two years ago when he got his current glasses, I got the girl who was helping him to check my eyes. Everything was A-OK! Today I was playing around with the glasses and trying different ones on and thought “Hey.. these make a pretty cool accessory, shame my eyes are so good”. I didn’t mean it of course, I just thought it’d be cool to be able to wear some funky glasses.
I said to the guy who was helping Xander “Hey can you check my eyes? I’d love to be able to get some cool new glasses!” with a sort of -yeah right, so not gonna happen- tone.
I looked through the thing, watched the balloon and I was done.
“Well, it’s not too bad but you DO need glasses”
…… well, god effin dammit!
If you’re new here, stick around… I think my blog is going to be highly entertaining in a year or so when I’ve finally lost all my weight but am bald as an onion and blind is a fuckin’ bat!
Hi there!
I was searching for hair loss-related articles online and ‘bumped’ into your blog. You are hilarious, your article made me laugh out loud!
My hair was falling too, and basically it was lack of VITAMINS, specially Vitamin B complex (good for soothing stress, apparently..), another thing: wash your hair with cool water, rather than hot water, that will help them grow stronger…
If you are going under lots of stress, acupunture was of good help to me, and (although I never believed it and have needles) I reccomend it to you. :-) It does wonders!! :-) Good luck!
I do hope you feel better!!
from newsletter@gidiet.com
”I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). My husband & I were trying to conceive without success. My doctor basically told me if I wanted to have a baby, I would need to lose weight. With PCOS, your body doesn’t process glucose correctly…it stores it as fat & makes your hormones totally out of whack. It’s also very hard to lose the stored weight, creating a vicious cycle. Thus, you cannot conceive successfully. With my new found results, I was highly motivated to lose the weight.
When I stumbled upon your GI Diet, I thought it was a Godsend – as if it was specifically designed for me in my time of need! After about 5-6 months, I had lost over 2 stone that were definitely staying off. Not only was I looking great, but I was feeling great I am 3 months pregnant expecting our first child in August!!! Not only did I get pregnant, I got pregnant naturally – without fertility or blood sugar related drugs! It’s literally a miracle. I thank God for your GI Diet, though I consider it more of a lifestyle than a diet. It has truly changed my life for the better! Thank you!
Erin.”
Theo, haha you never change! :D (I love that about you)
Jessica, thank you so much for your comments. I wish your blog was in english so I could read it as well… when I come to a blog that isn’t in english it’s almost like someone telling secrets that I’ll never get :P hehe
As for my hair, I may have given the wrong impression in my post, so says my friend Darryn. I was trying to show him my thinning hair on my webcam last and he “Bah” and “Pfft”‘d me saying that I exaggerated.
To look at me you’d not know anything was going on with my hair. *I* see it though because I stand in the mirror looking closely, pulling my hair apart and looking at my scalp etc.
At the moment my hair is thinning, and has reached the point where if I do lose any more it WILL be noticable. Which scares the shit out of me! You are so right with what you said about women and their hair. Until a few months ago my hair used to be down to my bum and I got a lot of comments on it as well. It makes you feel very feminine.
Hopefully my doctor will be able to do something to make it grow in a bit again to a point I’m comfortable with. So I’m not always raking my fingers through my hiar at the crown because I’m paranoid that my head is showing.
Hi Tammy!
First I just wanted to say thanks for your visit and comment in my blog. (Cute pets BTW, I also have a black cat with those eyes.) But then I read this… o_O That’s heavy.
It’s certainly not amusing to lose hair for anyone, but I agree, it’s probably not as bad for the men as it is for women. They can shave their head – I know men who do this because they just want to – and a lot of them even look great with a completely bald head. (I like it.) But for a woman, hair is a symbol of femaleness and a quite important source of self-esteem.
Ten years ago, my hair was shorter than most of the guy’s hair. Now it reaches my hip. The longer it got, the more compliments I got during the years. Therefore I was quite sad when they started to become grey two years ago, but becoming bald is the worst thing. Once I was suspected of having cancer and I imagined how it would be to lose my hair due to a chemotherapy, the only part of my body I ever really liked. Horror!!
I think I can understand how you feel. :-( I’m in your age and suffering from chronic pain disorder since years. My body hates me too, it refuses to function, feels weak and hurts most of the time. As your doctors, most of my incompetent doctors tried this and that over the years instead of taking the necessary measures in time because they thought I was just having headaches a bit more often than other people.
So may be you should let these old “specialists” go to hell and try to find a good doctor as soon as possible. Probably it takes some time and you may meet even more of the stupid kind, but I think there is hope. I don’t know much about PCOS or alopecia, but nowadays you can even live with someone else’s kidney. ;-)
I wish you all the best.
So harsh. I started going bald last year, but I can’t really say that I know how you feel, or anything.. You know, having a pecker and all.
Wanna see?? :D