That’s Right Grandma, I’m Dancin’!

This morning was weigh in day.  I got on the insult machine, looked down and told it to go fuck itself.

It would appear that  making that 1 pound my bitch is going to be more difficult than I thought.  Instead, my body was all like HA, I’ll take your 1 pound and see you a half a kilo.  Then I was like, oh blow me.

*sigh*

It really put me in a horrible mood because I’ve been so good. Going to the gym, getting my bike out and riding it, eating right… and for what?  To gain a half a kilo?  I tried to rationalize by telling myself that I gained a half a kilo of muscle but I know that’s not true.  I know it’s just bloat weight, because I’m a woman and that’s what we do, we bloat.   I don’t like to brag, but bloating is one area where I excel.  It’ll be gone in a few days, and I’m cool with that but still, my hopes of waking up this morning and strutting around chanting I LOST 50 POUNDS were dashed.

Then I came out to the living room to find that at some point in the night my cat lost a half a kilo by projectile vomiting all over the floor.  I considered trying that method myself but decided against it, vomiting makes me cry and I’m trying to be all hardcore and kickass about this one pound business.  I can’t be going around crying like a girl.

I then considered taking a laxative but I already gave myself a hemorrhoid by thinking I could poo the pound off. So I figured between that and the bike my ass as suffered enough.

When it came time to take the dogs out I was good and pissy.  The sky was grey, it was drizzling out and I wasn’t looking forward to the usual routine of trying to get the dogs to have a crap rather than eating one.  I grabbed my phone, put on my ‘kicking ass a the gym’ playlist and headed out the door.

Just as I was going down the stairs of our building the song in this video came on, You Can Do It by Ice Cube.  You might recognize it from the movie Save The Last Dance, which I loved.  Before I knew it I was wiggling my way down the stairs all Baby from Dirty Dancing on the stairs style.  I may or may not have even done the dramatic pose at the end.

Normally I am quite paranoid about how I behave when I go outside because we live across from a seniors complex and they are some nosy, nosy people.  I keep my living room curtains closed most of the time because they are always looking out their windows and into our house.  I actually sat in the living room and waved once and some waved back.  It’s very irritating.

Today I didn’t bother, I just needed that pick-me-up and didn’t care about anything.  I went out of my building and walked along the sidewalk with the dogs, wiggling my chubby wigger ass like nobodies business!  I was my own little one man flash mob.  If they wanted to laugh at me or talk about me (which I’m pretty sure they do anyway, me being the BUITENLANDER and all) that was fine with me.  I needed to let loose and shake off my bad mood.  There really is some truth to that dance like nobody is watching thing.

Anyway, Ice Cube clearly knows loads about making things his bitch, so I went with the flow.  If anyone had a problem with that… I was totally gonna bust a cap in their ass.