Jay Strikes Again!

Some of you may remember my friend Jay who (or is it whom?) I’ve quoted quoted on my blog a number of times.

Today I came to my computer to find this waiting for me:

Jay says (11:54 PM):
watched this film called ‘anal lesbians’ the other day
Jay says (11:54 PM):
they spent about half the film going through the fridge labelling everything…
Jay says (3:12 PM):
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.” I said, “WHAT??!! What was that?!” So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…
Jay says (3:12 PM):
“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”
Jay says (3:12 PM):
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
Jay says (3:12 PM):
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all.
Jay says (3:12 PM):
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, “Lets get a pair for each outfit.”
Jay says (3:12 PM):
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me
because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.
Jay says (3:12 PM):
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”
Jay says (3:13 PM):
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.” Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, “WHAT?”
Jay says (3:13 PM):
I then said, “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.” And just when she had this look like
she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”
Jay says (3:13 PM):
Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either….

He’s so funny :)

On our way to pick up Harley today but we won’t be home until well after midnight because we have to go to Germany to get him.

Silly me stuffed my face with fajitas yesterday and have spent most of my time since about 11pm last night camping out on the toilet. Yeah TMI? As usual, I don’t care… I like to make my blog readers suffer with me.

I guess since losing weight my stomach isn’t used to such an attack anymore… *groans*

I get the feeling I’m going to be seeing many a gas station toilet between here and Harley. This little dude better be worth it!