A Bad Start to a New Month…

I was laying in bed this morning at about 3:40 am thinking how badly I needed to pee. Each morning I take my temperature (basal body temp) to keep a chart of my cycle to help with our monthly pregnancy attempts. This has to be done at exactly the same time every day and even the tiniest little thing can affect it. If you do it an hour earlier or later than usual, you have to adjust the temp accordingly and getting up to pee can blow it completely. I tried to make myself forget that I had to pee, closing my eyes and thinking non-pee pro-sleeping thoughts, but it didn’t work. At 3:50 am I took my temp and got up to go to the washroom…

When I got back to bed my belly was hurting and I couldn’t get comfortable, again.. pro-sleep thoughts didn’t work. All I could think about was the bad news I got from back home last night. That all too familiar feeling of helplessness and homesickness started creeping into my head. At 4:10am I got back out of bed again and plopped myself down in front of my computer where I sat in the dark watching downloaded episodes of The Amazing Race (which is a great show, btw). Nothing like a little reality TV to drown out your thoughts.

That’s when it hit me… VOLCANO BELLY. *Groan* One of the joys of being me is that my guts go into utter turmoil anytime I’m upset or nervous about anything. Always makes special occasions just that little bit more special. I won’t get too descriptive, lets just say I legged it for the potty.

When all was said and done, I went to flush away the evidence of my body’s hatred for me.. like usual the water came down, swooping everything off the “observation shelf” (I hate Dutch toilets) and down into the disturbing black hole in the front. Then, just like in our worst nightmares, it started coming back up at me… ARGH! Thankfully there is one good thing about the toilets here, if you take your hand off the button it will stop mid-flush. So my ninja-like reflexes are the only thing that stopped me from being flooded by my own poo.

As I closed the door to the bathroom and avoided the situation completely, my mind drifted back to last weekend…

We’re cleaning out the spare room and we come across our big, filthy, rarely used deep fryer from hell. I decide that I’m going to clean it out and bring it back to life… The pot inside is filled halfway with dark caramel / black colored sludge that leaves a bee-hive like print when you pull out the basket. Too runny to put in a bag, to thick to put down the drain of the sink, I can’t figure out what to do with it. Aha! I’ll flush it down the toilet!

“Don’t do that, you’ll clog it!” Xander says.
“Oh don’t be foolish, we’ve both put worse than this down that toilet!” I quickly snap back

Down the toilet it goes.

After approximately 15 minutes of “cleaning” we both decide we are better off putting the deep fryer out of it’s misery. Which actually meant put me out of mine because I was getting grease everywhere and instead of cleaning one appliance, I was dirtying my whole kitchen.

I wondered what the chances were of this coming back to haunt me. Would he remember? He never forgets things like that… He stores them away in his memory under a file titled “HA HA TOLD YOU SO!” that he can quickly locate when the need arises. The only thing I have on my side is that it’s morning, he’s slow in the mornings. This wasn’t just any morning though, this was the morning of a day that he has an interview, which means that the chances were great that he’s slept like crap and will be grumpy when he gets up.

As suspected, when he woke up I could tell he was cranky, I didn’t get a good morning kiss and he was grumbling at the pets before he even reached the doorway to the livingroom. I wondered whether it was best to tell him before or after his shower. I decided to go for it and told him as soon as he woke up. He stomped around the house, telling me about how badly he slept (I didn’t mention that all this grumbling was taking place 2.5 hours after I got out of bed.. this was a time to choose my battles) and with plunger in hand he went to face the bathroom like a man.

When he was finished he immediately went to the shower, can’t really blame him there. I hoped a nice hot shower would calm him down a little but he still seemed tense as he stomped from the bathroom to the bedroom to get dressed. Then the screaming started… someone shit on our bedroom floor. Too big to be the cats and it certainly wasn’t me, Bailey had to be the culprit. It was plopped smack in the middle of the towel I’d left on the floor yesterday (yes, I’m messy like that) and I tried to supress a giggle as I watched Xander hopping around half naked holding a bundled up towel in his hands with a steaming pile of dog poo on the top screaming “Open the bathroom door!!”. I wasn’t laughing at him, rather just laughing out of sheer disbelief for the morning we’ve been having.

Later.. fully dressed and actually looking forward to getting to work to excape the insanity of his own house, he growled a little more. We chatted while he had his coffee and I thought I had him a little less cranky than when he first woke up…

Then we heard it. *Glug* *Glug* *Glug* *Glug* *Glug* *Glug* that familiar gutteral sound of an animal who is about to heave up something one of us will have to pick up. Xander ran towards the bedroom where the sounds were coming from. Then I heard him yelling.. “Bailey, get out from under the bed! Bailey COME! COME BAILEY!” The profanity that followed told me that Bailey did not come out from under the bed. Yes, he is still sick.. which was suspected because he’s still been vomiting off and on, and yesterday there was piss all over the house when I came home, not to mention the recent bomb he left us in the bedroom.

So what all sucks at the moment?

• Someone I love is about to die, I’m an ocean away and know the last time I saw them was the very last.
• My husband is very stressed and cranky lately, which makes me feel bad. I don’t like seeing him unhappy
• My dog is still sick and I don’t know why. I’m really worried about him
• During my toilet episode I also saw signs that I’m not pregnant this month either

On the plus side.. this month can only get better.