FOAD – My Body

There are any number of reasons I could be foading my body this week.  I’m bloated, this cold and dry winter weather is making my skin dry, my hair is getting thinner and thinner due to that f’in PCOS and even though I’m not sick my nose won’t stop running.  Oh yeah, good times!

None of the reasons above have anything to do with why I’m hating my body today though, believe it or not.  Today my foadage goes out to the heartburn that has kept me up all night.

Yesterday was a great day.  I went out with the girls in the afternoon, had some lunch (Subway) then spent the entire afternoon gabbing.  I then walked around the city center for a little while taking photos of some of the x-mas lights (will show them later) until I met Xander in town at Cafe Floor where we sat and drank honey lemon tea until 6:30 when we were meant to meet up with friends.

After meeting up with the couple we were going out with, we went to the Dream Cafe for dinner.  We had plans to see the Borat movie (review coming later) at 8pm so that left us 1.5 hours to eat and get to the theater across the street.

After the last time we were there, I stuck to what I knew I liked and ordered 2 starters for my meal, a small ceasar salad and potato skins.   While we were eating my friend’s husband asked me about what it was like to live in Canada because he had always wanted to live there…

WELL, what a thing to ask me of all people.   Next thing I knew I was sitting there with 3 people with empty plates and I still had all my food in front of me.  I’d prattled on so long about how fantastic Canada is, where the best places to live are, why Canadians are so much better than Americans and everything else… I’d done way more talking than eating!

THEN I realized it was only 15 minutes until our movie started, so I had to scoff down my food in record time and leg it over to the theater…. which turned out to be more of a quick waddle because I was really full and feeling kind of crap after eating so fast.  Thank god I hadn’t ordered something huge like a steak or ribs or whatever.

So, fastforward… movie, car, home, email, bed.

2:30am I woke up thinking either someone had just stabbed me in the chest, started a bonfire in the massive valley between my breasts or I was having a heart attack.  I got out of bed to see what was happening to me.

I can only imagine how attractive I must have been, walking naked around my livingroom with my hair a mess repeatedly trying to make myself burp because the pain in my chest felt like I had to let a really big one go.   It was fine though, the only ones to see me were the cats and I don’t mind traumatizing them.

After searching around the net for remedies for heartburn I read that a tablespoon of vinegar works.  YUM!  I did as they said and about a half hour later I felt better.  Too bad I hadn’t read it until about 5:30am!

I waited as long as I could to go back to bed because I didn’t want to wake Xander, who has been a grumpyass the last few days because of lack of sleep due to work stress.  So I crawled back into bed at 8am… just to be woken up by the cleavage bonfire again at 9am.

So now I’m up.  Fully clothed and another spoonful of vinegar later.  It’s 12:20pm and I’ve only had relief for the past half hour…. but I’m scared to go back to bed.   I’ve decided that laying down = pain.

Heartburn sucks, bigtime… and next time someone asks me about Canada while I’m trying to eat I’m going to resist all urges to brag about my home country and tell them to Google it.