Hi Ho .. Hi Ho..

It’s off to work I go…

Yeah, work.  Something I haven’t seen much of since I’ve been living in the Netherlands.  Partly by choice but mostly due to an utter lack of options.

It’s been almost 3 years since I had a job, and even then it was only for a few months.  The last time I had proper employment and a regular salary was 7 years ago before I moved here.

These are euros.  I want them.

Correction… I want ones of my own.  That I’m in control of… that I’ve earned myself.  That nobody else has any say over.

Therefore, I am going back to work.

Almost 3 years ago I got a job working at a call center here in Rotterdam doing market research.   That’s just a fancy way of saying phone interviews.   Yeah, I was one of those pain in the ass people who phone you up asking if they can ask you a few quick questions.   It sucked, bigtime.  I’m not sure if it sucked so much because of the type of work it was or because I was pretty depressed and hating everything here at the time so I just happened to hate that too.

The pay was decent, the hours were totally flexible, and it was freelance so if I wanted to take a week off I could.   I didn’t though.. I went from not working for years to trying to deal with depression while working 40 hours a week in a job I really didn’t enjoy.  Is it any wonder it didn’t work out?

For months I’ve been kicking around the idea of going back part time.  Just enough to bring in a few hundred euros extra into the house but not enough to feel overwhelmed by it.   A few weeks ago I finally made up my mind and decided to contact them and ask about returning part time, 16 hours a week (4 x 4 hour shifts / week).

They phoned 10 minutes after I emailed them and I go back on Thursday.

The main reason for doing this is that I need to feel some sort of financial independence again.   I’ve worked since I was a teenager and always made my own money, so being completely dependent on Xander all these years has been extremely difficult for me.  

I’ve felt powerless in my own life and like even though I had a say, the decisions were ultimately his in the end because it was HIS money.  No matter how many times he told me it was -our- money, I still felt that it would never be mine because I did nothing to earn it.

Unfortunately, this type of job is all that’s available to me here.   People think it’s easy to find English jobs here, and they are right, there are tons of jobs that require English.  The problem is they usually require Dutch or some other European language as well…. which I don’t have.  I do speak Dutch but not fluently enough to work using Dutch alone.

When I was there previously, I hated it… I hated it with a burning passion.  There were a number of reasons.  My depression, having so little time to myself after being by myself almost all the time for years, and the general crappiness of the work itself.   It’s not fun calling people all day and having them hang up, tell you off or generally try to avoid you at all costs.

I’m trying to be more positive about it this time.   Firstly, one of the guys I really didn’t like isn’t working there anymore.   When the girl phoned me about coming back she told me he was gone ‘for a multitude of reasons’, so it couldn’t have just been me who wanted to crawl under my desk and hide anytime he came around.  

Also, I will be working only 16 hours a week as opposed to the 40 I was working before.  This will give me time to myself as well as time out doing something and making myself useful.

Another major part of it is having my depression under control.   Between my medication, finally having a social life with some really awesome girlfriends and being more positive about life in the Netherlands overall… I’m hoping that will pour over into my work life as well and make me more able to cope and enjoy what I’ll be doing.

So, I go from 9-6 on Thursday for re-training / orientation then I assume I’ll be starting work the following Monday. 

Please cross your fingers for me, send me positive optimistic vibes and wish me luck!  I’ll keep you posted :)