Canadutch
Wow, this one isn’t dark or anything. Good grief.
I’d be lying if I said there weren’t times where I thought of just giving up. I had some pretty dark times when I first moved here. Having dropped everything back in Canada to come here and falling desperately in love with my husband, the thought of leaving and going home alone was unimaginable. The thought of staying somewhere that made me so unhappy was also unimaginable. I felt like a failure in every possible way and wasn’t coping very well with it at all.
There were times where I thought it’d be a lot easier to just give up, that no existence was better than the pitiful one I was living at the time. I don’t think I ever would have had the nerve to really do anything about it and I could never do that to my husband, family and friends. I’m sure a lot of people who suffered from depression entertained the same sorts of thoughts when they were at their lowest lows.
They do right? … because I’d feel a lot less pathetic knowing that I wasn’t alone in that.
Anyway, none of this is news to my regular visitors and I’m tired of talking about the bad times when I was new here. Things are good now. I’m glad that I saw it through and have been working to try to make things better here. I have great friends now, my relationship with my husband and my family is better than ever and life is really good. I hope to never ever have those thoughts again…
Gawd, only four days left. If this 30 Days meme doesn’t end soon I just may give up on life afterall! UGH!
Ya, indeed a little grim and maybe more personal than you have to get on a blog! But yes, I’ve been there and I think I’ll always be afraid of falling back there. I think for me, that’s something I’m always on the lookout for. We can talk about my sad teenage years when I’m back from the mother ship next month!! Or maybe we just talk about how great it is to not be a teenager anymore! Xox
You’re not alone in feeling like that! That’s what drove me to the Netherlands to begin with. Love, kitties, and medication–trifecta against all things gloomy.