Canadutch
I often wonder things that I wonder if other people are wondering too, know what I mean? If it’s just me, then I’m either really weird or I have a superior brain to everyone else.
- I wonder how conjoined twins ever have a sex life. Does one twin put on a mask and stuff their ears to give the other twin privacy? Are there kinky conjoined twin threesome groups out there? Does a man marry one of the twins or both, and if he marries both, doesn’t that make him a polygamist?
- I wonder what dogs hear when we speak to them. Do they eventually understand us or do we always sound like the teacher from Peanuts with a few sounds (SIT, TREAT) that they learn to put together with things that happen afterwards?
- If you dream when you sleep, and your dreams are often affected by things you see and hear when you are awake. What do people see when they die and come back to life? Couldn’t all those ‘white light’ people just be seeing something they expect to see? That is, if they really see anything at all… but I’m so not going there.
- Does everyone see colors the same? I know if I see something blue that my husband can also tell me it’s blue, but how do I know the blue he sees is the blue I see? Maybe the blue he sees is my green, or the yellow I see is his purple. How do we know for sure?
- Is there actually something physically different about men that causes them to fall asleep on the sofa after meals? If so, how do they manage to stay awake at work?
I wonder lots of other things too, but I ever wonder them when I’m near my computer ad by the time I am I’ve forgotten. I hate that.
Sometimes I wish things were different in the world too, things that I think make more sense that would make life a lot easier.
If there was a god and I was it, here’s how I would have done things…
- Women take a pill when they want to get pregnant, rather than when they don’t.
- Our periods wouldn’t be out of our control, our uterus would just act like a bladder – “Excuse me, I have to go bleed”. Go to the toilet, empty, wipe and move on. Ok, it’s gross but convenient!
- Chocolate would be the carrots of the current world. Parents would warn us that if we didn’t eat our chocolate we’d need glasses and people would recommend chocolate sticks as a healthy snack when you are on a diet. Oh, and disgusting stuff like brussel sprouts would be extremely fattening and people would only eat them if they wanted to gain weight.
- Yeah, and people would never get overweight unless they purposely set out to, by eating broccoli.
- Animals would be able to talk, so that when we tell them why they shouldn’t scratch the furniture or pee on the bed we can ask them if they understand and get an answer that we can hold against them later. Then we’d also know when they need to pee or when they are just being attention whores.
- Humans would have the ability to teleport themselves – “One sec hon, just gonna pop over to Canada to show mom my new haircut!”
I can’t think of any more and I’ve just been totally distracted. We had pizza for dinner and my husband fell asleep on the sofa (yeah, that’s where that one came from). I had a bit of gas so I figured, well… he’s asleep.
He woke up and said “Huh? What did you say hon?”
“Err… I farted”, I replied
Then he mumbled something about that not really being worth waking up for.
My bad! I should have said that I said I love you or something equally clever but my head is filled with pepperoni and cheese at the moment.
LOve It Love It Love It!!!
I’m so glad I’m not alone on the color thing. That one drives me nuts!
Nicola – Omg, I’ve done the same thing with my dog! I’ll look at him and say “Baad Dooggg” really sweetly to see if he gets excited, and he does. So I think it’s the tone of our voice that tells them more than we are actually saying.
Whenever I watch a show about conjoined twins, I wonder the samething!
I watched this one show and each girl (they were conjoined) had to take the drivers test on their own. I just foundit all very odd!
This list is so extra, super great. I think most of these I’ve wondered at some point myself. Especially that conjoined twins thing. Sad.
You are not alone on a few of those thoughts, the conjoined twins thing, and colors have crossed my mind a few times, with Rod being color blind I know almost for sure he doesn’t see the colors the same as I do, his red is our green and vice versa. So red means stop for him? I asked him once how he knew when to move off a stop light, he said when the bottom light lit up. He knew he needed to revise the colors, that must get really confusing for him though. Or is he just so used to it? Now you have me thinking. Thanks a lot *being sarcastic*
Hehe, nice post! I’ve often wondered about the dog thing too… I used to have fun screwing with my dogs head by saying good stuff in an angry voice or bad stuff in a happy voice. You could see the confusion in her eyes between the sounds and the tones. So totally with you on the pill thing! Much better than taking one EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. One time I read this short story, I can’t remember who by but this just reminded me of it, but it was about a girl who lived in isolation and her dad taught her EVERYTHING backwards. So sugar was salt, black was white, yes was no and so on. That part of the story was interesting. Then it turned awful when her dad was killed in a fire, cos when the firemen asked if anyone else was in the house after she escaped alive, she said ‘no’.
“Does everyone see colors the same? I know if I see something blue that my husband can also tell me it’s blue, but how do I know the blue he sees is the blue I see? Maybe the blue he sees is my green, or the yellow I see is his purple. How do we know for sure?”
I’ve wondered this very thing my whole life!
Finally, a woman who has the guts to ask the questions on conjoined twins that I’ve never had the courage to.
Thank you for this post…and…I think we all think these things :)
I’ve always wondered the color thing too! I guess there’s no way we’ll ever know.
Love this post, Tammy.
:)