The Fashionable Frump

Today I went out for the afternoon with my girlfriends.  We met at Bagels & Beans in the big bookstore in the city center, had some lunch and gabbed our asses off.  Two of the girls arrived with their baby girls that are only 10 days apart, so there was a lot of oohing and aahing going on.   At one point Baby Faela fell asleep in my arms and well, I melted.   I think I’m really starting to love this Auntie thing.

While we were there we were talking about the daughter of one of the women who was there.  She had been out with the girls one of the previous weeks that I wasn’t there.  Apparently she’s quite fashionable and beautiful and the subject changed to fashion which was when I told them what I figured they already knew, that fashion REALLY isn’t my thing.   It’s something I just assume that anyone who has ever seen me could figure out on their own.

There are a few reasons why I believe this…  mainly, because I just hate shopping for clothes and only do it when I absolutely have to.  I know this probably has something to do with being a chubbo and having a rather limited selection of clothes that I like, fit and look ok.   In all honesty though, even if I was thin I’d probably still prefer shopping in electronics or pet stores.

I own the following shoes:

1. Sporty sandals that I bought this past summer when my brown leather sandals fell apart in the city center.  I bought those sandals when I was in high school.  I’ll be 33 this year… you do the math.   I didn’t give them up without a fight though, I asked my husband to super glue the piece back in so I could continue to wear them.  He insisted I throw them out and get a new pair after commenting how funny it is that he has the wife who has to be forced to buy new shoes.  I don’t like my new ones as much as my old brown ones, even after a whole summer of wearing them.
2. One pair of slip on gray sneakers.  I remember the day I bought them.  I was in the city center with my cousin Stephanie when she was here visiting from Canada.   It was the first year we were living in this apartment, which would be approximately 6-7 years ago.  They are a size too big, the sole of the right foot is falling off and they pull my socks off as I walk… but I still wear them.  I mean, at least they don’t hurt my feet, right?
3. Brown Doc Marten’s that I wore to death in college and my first year or so in Holland.  I recently dug them out to try wearing them again when I got irritated by always having to pull my socks up when I wear the gray sneakers but it didn’t work out so they are back in the cupboard.
4. Oxblood Doc Marten’s, which are a sort of red color.  They are super stiff and if you knock them on anything the color gets all buggered and sort of rubs off.  I kept them cuz they were expensive and I thought I might break them in one day… in reality they just take up room in my closet.
5. Black 8-hole Doc Marten’s which I just brought back with me from Canada.  I bought them in high school and wore them once and hated them.  When I was in Canada I was hating on my gray sneakers again and decided I was going to give the docs another try.  Took them back to Holland with me, took them to the shoemaker to have them stretched and wore them out with my friends one day.   For two days I whined every time my little toes or heels touched against anything because the docs still shredded the shit out of them.  They’ll be joining the other docs of my youth in the closet.
6. One pair of white sneakers with no heel.  Those kind that you slip on and they are sort of like a clog, but not.  Comfy as hell but in the summer they make my feet sweat so they can get damn stinky.  Also, they make my feet hot so sometimes the top of my foot gets itchy.  Oh, and the edge around the little heal bits are coming off.   I’m sure I’ll get at least two more summers out of them.

That’s my collection of shoes.  Carrie Bradshaw would be disgusted!  There are a few other things I’d probably never tell her too…

1. I own two pairs of jeans, both by shops she’s probably never heard of.  They are both blue and won’t be replaced until I wear the thighs through (which, thanks to my thunder thighs shouldn’t take long).
2. I still own sweatshirts from JUNIOR high when I was half as old as I am now, and I actually wear them.
3. All of my panties are cotton and come in bundles.  Some even have ridiculous stuff like giraffes and snowmen on them.  The full kind, that covers all my wobbly bits. So SEXY!  No buttfloss for me thanks!
4. I own bras that may as well not even be worn for the amount of support they give.  Some even have this odd bundle of buggered up elastic on the sides or holes in the seams.   I still wear them because they don’t have wires that dig in my armpits, leave red ridges under my boobs or give me torpedo tits.
5. I own very few T-shirts that don’t have either a stain or a hole in them.  It doesn’t stop me from wearing them though, I just wear them under stuff so only the non-stained and intact bits show.
6. I often wear un-matching socks because I rarely ever buy them and I can never seem to find a proper pair… and the ones that are a set don’t even look like they are because I always leave them on the clothesline too long in the summer and they fade all wonky like.

I’m a walking fashion disaster… and you know what the weirdest thing is?  When I said that to my friends they actually seemed sort of shocked.   One of the girls said that she considered me to be quite fashionable, a very funky kind of fashion and that I always have my own style, cool haircuts and glasses etc  She even said I inspired her to get some cool new glasses.

Well hey, who knew!   Apparently putting little to no effort into fashion is a fashion in itself!