My Husband’s New Wife

Don’t worry, I’m still talking about me!  He hasn’t gone out and found another wife or anything, even tough I’ve been urging him to find one that likes doing housework.  I could get into a little Sister Wives action if the other wife would do all the stuff I hate.

No, what I’m talking about is my husband’s recent exclamations about how he feels like he’s getting a new wife!

There have been changes happening over the last few years, especially since my gastric bypass in January.  It was only over the last few days that he’s really been feeling a bit in shock and keeps telling me how feels like he’s getting a new wife.  People said it would happen, that he’d enter a period of shock at some point and I think my recent change has tipped him over the edge.

You know how I’ve been talking about my hair loss lately?  I thought that I’d probably have to make a decision in regards to my hair at some point.  I thought about shaving it all off, getting a wig, cutting it short and just had no idea what to do.

Being the impatient shit that I am, and after yet another morning of masses of hair coming out in the shower, I got fed up and decided to do something about it.  After asking around I decided to visit the Toni & Guy salon here in Rotterdam ( I actually plan to write about them as I was SO pleased with the service) and I cut my hair!!

It’s crazy how different it makes me feel and how I almost don’t recognize myself when I look in the mirror at times. I can imagine what it must be like for Xander.

Here is the old wife… the old me.

*Sigh* You know, it’s hard to look at this photo now. I don’t know if I want to cry, scream or laugh, to be honest. I feel so out of touch with her now, that person I used to be. All I know is that I’m glad Xander was able to love me enough for the both of us because I had absolutely no love for myself then, none at all.

This is me last week, at at almost 100 lbs down but still with longer hair that was painfully obvious every time one (or 50) fell out of my head.

This is the new me… 100 lbs lighter, with a new hairstyle that I LOVE!

When I look at this photo I feel so different than when I look at the first one.  I feel… happy.  I feel like, for the first time in a very very long time, that I could even be considered pretty.  Oh god, does that sound incredibly vain or what?  I don’t mean that I’m all like DAYUM I AM HAWT! but I guess what I mean is that I don’t feel disgusting and ugly like I felt for so many years.  When I was going out the night I took this photo, I wasn’t feeling like my efforts to put on nice clothes or makeup were pointless like I used to.  I always felt like there was no point in doing anything because I still looked like an ugly blob.

Ok, that’s probably not a healthy way to feel about yourself, but let’s be honest, there was nothing healthy about me back in the time when that first photo was taken.

I can’t really blame my husband for being shocked and continuing to talk about this new wife he’s getting, because I feel the same way.  I feel the same shock when I look in the mirror, especially after changing my hairstyle.  I almost don’t recognize myself and that can really screw with my head, but it is an awesome thing at the same time.

It makes me happy when Xander smiles at me, tells me he’s proud of me and talks about this new wife of his…. because I want to be good for him, to do things with him.  I want to finally be the wife he’s always deserved.